Dr. Salad

Well, we went to the pediatrician Friday afternoon.  The last couple weeks K has been having issues with a red bumpy rash on her lower back/upper butt cheeks.  It would look terrible for a couple days, then fade for a couple days, but in general wasn’t going away so we called and got an appointment at ye olde pediatrician’s office.  When making the appointment, I was told to enter on the far east side of the building at the unmarked door with a buzzer (how mysterious!).  Apparently any kids coming in with rashes of unknown origin are sent through the Quarantine Door (QD).  The good news I guess is that in 3.5 years plus of patronizing this facility, we’ve never had to use the QD before. 

Anyway, the only doc available on Friday was the only one in the practice we actually hadn’t met before (Dr. S)…he’s always been there, but most often, we see either my work friend the nurse practitioner, or Dr. Kevin Spacey (well, he’s a dead ringer for Kevin Spacey anyway).  So the night before the appt I was chatting with K and telling her that she was going to go see the doctor:

K: but why mom?

CM: because you have a rash on your back and buns.

K: I have a RASH?  and the doctor is going to fix it?

CM: yes.

K: but why does it need fixing?

CM: because I said so.

K: daddy’s doctor?

CM: no, Dr S.  you haven’t met him before but he works at Dr. Kevin Spacey’s office.  Do you remember Dr. Kevin Spacey? 

K: oh, yes, ok mommy.

So when we finally got there on Friday (late as usual), we proceeded to the QD.  They buzzed us in and we discovered a small sneaky waiting room I’d never been aware of before.  So basically this office has THREE waiting rooms:

1. healthy kids coming for checkups/shots,
2. sick kids with copious amounts of snot/vomiting/whatever,
3. quarantined kids that are carrying diseases so scary that they are hidden from the rest of the parents

Oh joy.  While waiting for the nurse to collect us, we had time to peruse the informational flyer on the wall with HIDEOUS pictorial examples of things like smallpox, measles, shingles, scabies, and plague.  PLAGUE.  I tried not to black out or ponder what infectious agents might be lurking in the mysterious quarantine waiting area while K happily looked through the Barney books.  About five minutes into our wait, a family left via the QD–with their kid wearing a face mask.  Yeah, fun times.

Around this time, K started getting restless and started asking when it would be her turn – “I want to go see Dr. Salad”.  Now to a three year old, his name actually does sound pretty close to “Salad”.   I tried to distract her as much as possible but as the minutes ticked by she was getting more restless.  Finally she blurts out (LOUDLY) “but MOM, I really NEED DR SALAD TO FIX MY BUTT NOW”. 

At least we were in the quarantine waiting area where other parents couldn’t hear her. (or hang out with the scary poster.)

And not to worry–Dr. Salad pronounced her rash a basic contact dermatitis issue, related to the heat and such.  Cover lightly with desitin at night to keep moisture away, and cortisone during the day if it gets itchy.  She has always had really sensitive skin.   So she’ll live (assuming we didn’t bring home anything special from the quaranzine zone).