Category Archives: sleep

Tantrums

Mine, not those of my dear daughter.

It’s always a little disheartening to realize that despite being a rational, responsible, focused, so-called “adult”, there are some points in life where you have all the finesse of a two-year old.  Admittedly, my tantrums are not outwardly focused, foot-kicking-screaming-spitting events of glory, but rather the temporary inner loss of all semblance of rationality, patience, and sanity. In my experience, usually these events are enabled by an ongoing bout of sleep deprivation.  This is a good argument for naps, in my opinion.

There seem to be only two primary triggers for these momentary lapses in emotional-mental functionality: homework (curse you, graduate school!) or being pushed to a fraction of my last nerve by my dear little genius daughter.

Anyway, the kiddo has not been sleeping well again and really, I’m so done with this 4+ year war.  Last night, she randomly stayed awake in my bed fidgeting, playing, flopping, wiggling, kicking, squirming, and generally making  a nuisance of herself to her poor, exhausted parents who kept desperately trying to go to sleep.  Who am I to begrudge another person’s occasional nighttime restlessness?  Yet when THEIR restlessness keeps me awake, it is pretty hard to be endlessly tolerant.  Cue the internal, silent, temper tantrum in which I found myself indulging in unrealistic fantasies involving locked bedrooms, duct tape, and sound-proof walls.  I know, this really shows a total loss of parenting mojo, but what the hell…we all have our dark moments, I guess.

This experience made me remember another tantrum along the same general trajectory when she was around 7 or 8 months old, during which I kept tearily arguing with GMom about my hopelessly sleep-defective child.

I guess the worst part is that I don’t really have a solution.  It seems all or nothing at this point…keep to the same routine and hope she smooths out again, or wage war and force her to sleep by herself all the time.  It’s not that I don’t have the moxie to force the issue and make it happen; but I don’t know if I have the moxie to deal with the guilt over crushing her spirit and ignoring her needs related to this issue. Yeah I know, she’d get over it eventually, but for some reason, she seems to desperately need the closeness and reassurance of snuggling with us.  What is the trade-off or outcome of crushing that need?  My instincts so far have led me to respect her need, at the cost of my own sleep quality (and thus, sanity) but after nights like last night, I can’t help but think it’s almost time to go bad-cop-mommy.

OMG! Run faster!

*not actually me!

First, take a moment and look at these date tags, will you? NINE days since the last post.  This is totally unacceptable and management will address the problem forthwith.  Well, hopefully.

Yes, as this picture illustrates, I am back on the hamster wheel of grad school again.   The break went by in approximately 5 nanoseconds, I think.  (Vegas’ll do that to a person, I hear).  Even though the semester technically started a week ago, I find myself floundering and completely at a loss for motivation, comprehension, organization, and any other applicable tion‘s you can think of.   On Sunday night, I did the first assignment for one of my classes and it should have been easy in theory but in practice it took me about 4 hours, and included an elegant mental breakdown, 2 temper tantrums (on the inside [mostly]), and a very, VERY strong impulse to throw my mouse through the window just to hear some kind of satisfying breakage. Yeah, welcome back to academia!

Sooooo, yeah, I’ve been a in a marvelous frame of mind and lots of fun to be around lately.  Just ask FF!  On second thought, don’t ask him.  Work, too, has been pretty nutty, although, not as bad as some semester launches.  I attribute the manageable-nut-factor to my awesome coworkers.  (and possibly I should also recognize here the fine contributions of my good friend,  Beer.)

So anyway, this is another one of those “whatever pops into my head with no organization or coherent theme” posts.

K has not been the best sleeper lately.  After 4+ years of dealing with unholy sleep disruptions, I’d like to say at this point that becoming a parent is FULL of false advertising.  When they are all tiny, cute, and fit in one arm, you tell yourself that all the sleep deprivation is worth it, and after all, they’ll sleep through the night eventually, right?  FALSEFALSEFALSE!!! Woe is me.

I have to proclaim something very important: vanilla oreos dipped in Nutella might be the most delicious thing on Earth.  So delicious in fact that I will not be able to buy them ever again, because merely looking at the package is approximately 200 calories.  This is most definitely what I want for dinner.  Sigh.

Just when I am about to pull my freaking hair out over my daughter’s sudden shift to demanding parent-interactive play CONSTANTLY, a $6 investment in a pretend-pizza-set kept her busy for 2 days straight!  What the heck?  I mean, she always used to be really good about creative, imaginative pretend and/or toy play, and I always felt we had a really positive mix of solo and interactive play.  Lately though, it has been Mom/Dad/K2 or nothing but complaints.  I don’t get it.  Is this a normal developmental shift?  Geez kid, go entertain yourself already and let us take down the Christmas decorations!

Now that the dining room area is painted, mostly deboxed, and we have an actual table and chairs, we have started eating at the table like (mostly) civilized folks.  Thus, I am teaching K to set the table.  So far, she thinks it is a lot of fun; especially when it comes to lighting or blowing out the candles.  I wonder, am I starting a pyro here?

My self Christmas present this year was my ridiculously cute Coach bag.  FF, on the other hand, has been lusting after a Keurig single-cup coffee brewer for quite awhile, so that was his self-gift this year.  I expected to get indifferent service out of it, just as I have viewed any other coffee apparatus in the past.  Well, that was the past.  I’m now a slavish fanboi for this thing.  Go figure.  But hey, it brews perfect single cups of coffee, tea, or cocoa in mere seconds, directly into my travel mugs and there are no distracting measurements, clean up, filters, blah blah blah.  It’s ridiculously awesome. 

/Soapbox:

Dear Ghost Whisperer / JLH:

I feel that some of the storylines this season have been waning in quality.  For example, who had the great idea of digitally rendering the “Shiny people” on the cheap, thus ending up with something that looked like the love child of Casper the ghost and the Stay-Puft man?  Also bear witness to the oddness of sending JLH inside an online virtual world avatar. Please understand that I hold you to no specific intellectual standards, but there is only so much ridiculousness that I can tolerate in the name of my JLH crush.  I hate to bring this up and all, but I just saw the preview footage for next Friday and all I can say is….couldn’t you spend a little more on those glowing orange contact lenses?  And hasn’t the cheesy demonic possession thing been DONE enough already? I’m really ok with numbing, formulaic regularity in your episodes, so please consider this my request to skip the contact lenses, avatars, and marshmellow people forthwith.    /Soapbox off

OK, one more last thought: DAMN, some days I wish I could have gone from pregnancy to a 5 year old in the blink of an eye with nary a scratch, saggy boob, or misplaced hair.

But, I Didn’t Do It!

So a couple weeks ago, when K was in the throes of one of her recent colds (seriously, preschool is like a damn petri dish), she was very restless throughout the nights, and generally wasn’t sleeping well.  On this night in particular, she had gone to sleep readily enough, but woke up quickly and wanted to come snuggle in our bed.  So we got her all settled in and she dozed off…and then commenced to squirm, push, kick, whimper, squeal, groan, flip, flop, squawk and generally make a nuisance of herself for the next two hours.  At one point, she started screeching and crying in her sleep and so I gently turned her over and gathered her up in my arms to hold her and rub her back, hoping to soothe her.  She suddenly started fighting me and pushing away, and squawking louder.

CM: shhhh, it’s ok, let me hold you and help you get comfy so you can get back to sleep.

K: MOOOOM!!! NO!  YOU WERE POKING ME!

CM: what?!  I wasn’t poking you, I was just trying to hold you and rub your back and help you sleep…

K: NO! you were just poking me with a stick and it hurt!! (pathetic wailing)

CM: honey, you must have been dreaming, mommy would NEVER poke you with a stick! [feeling shocked and somehow slightly guilty for her distress, even though I didn't do anything wrong!]

K: but you were poking me and I didn’t like it…

CM: sweetheart, it was a dream.  I was just trying to snuggle with you…I didn’t poke you at all. Do you want me to hold you now?

K: (incoherent sleepy muttering) Ok but don’t poke me anymore!

FF: yeah dear, you better stop poking your daughter so we can all get some sleep in here!

Welcome to parenthood, where you feel terrible and guilty, even when you didn’t do anything.

Official Birthday Report + Misc.

Well, the most important thing I have to relate regarding K’s birthday festivities is that sister-in-law Carole ROCKS the kid party thing.  Whenever I contemplate kid parties, I feel confused and inadequate, so I can’t even describe how grateful I am for her taking on various hosting, planning, and execution tasks.  She even made superbly delicious lasagna for the masses.  Yum! 

My contribution was to stay up til 5am the night before the party rough-editing a DVD montage of pics, music,  and video clips of K during the last two years.  I created one right before Christmas in 2007 covering the first 2 years of her life, so I guess this one could be considered part 2.  I only have enough ambition to put one of these puppies together every 2 years.  My creativity has bounds, people. 

The party games were a hoot.  They did ‘pin the sticker on the “My Little Pony” butt’, ‘Pony scavenger hunt’, ‘toilet paper mummies’, and of course, the Pony Piñata.   (Technically, is a piñata considered a party game or is it in a category of its own?  I’m unclear on this point…)   K also kept dragging people around to play what she considered to be the ultimate party game: “balloon toss”.  I don’t know that I’d qualify that as a “game”, as it had no points, rules, or objectives but hey, she was the birthday girl so whatever.  

The toilet paper mummies were hysterical because we had situations where kids were helping other kids wrap up in toilet paper, so there was mayhem on all sides.  K seemed a little confused/uncertain at first while getting mummified, but when it came time to “break free” from her bindings, she thought it was so much fun that she demanded to be wrapped back up a couple more times.  I think she probably would have let us keep wrapping her up and shredding her way out for the rest of the day. 

I was concerned that she might be…distressed…by people taking a bat to her beloved pink pony piñata, but my worries were completely unfounded.  She was the first in line with the bat, and she wanted to be the one to deliver the death-blow.  Surprisingly, after the initial candy-gathering rush, the kids proved to be rather indifferent and the adults ended up cleaning up the remaining loot from the lawn.  I don’t remember that in my hazy childhood recollections of piñata insanity, but maybe there was a) too much candy or b) the group demographics are a little young still.  Very mysterious. 

Anyway, the highlight for me was my one creative party idea: a build-your-own-sundae-bar for the kids instead of doing traditional cake & ice cream.  Fortunately Aunt Carole had the perfect coffee table to set up outside for the kids so they could sit at their own level and build their creations.  It.was.awesome!  Messy, sticky, crazy, goodness.  But everyone had a lot of fun with it, and I had a moment of pure childish joy as I circled through the masses squirting canned whipped cream directly into all the kids’ mouths (ok, and one of the parents too, I must be honest.)  Does it get any better than that? 

As soon as UNCLE BUBBA gets on the ball and gets me a copy of his pics from the party, I’ll post a few here to recap the mayhem. Especially the dastardly sight of small children using an aluminum bat to pummel the life out of a small pink pony.  Delightful. 

So she is very proud and excited to be 4 and is happy to tell everyone about it.  Wish she’d just slow down on the growing-up thing.  (sniff.) 

Of course the week following the party was a mad rush of homework, house cleaning, and a little Thanksgiving day prep.  We weren’t hosting this year fortunately (still way too many boxes and crap in the way) but we did make a couple dishes to bring.  Monday afternoon, for some unknown reason, K’s eyes weren’t in focus and were not tracking together at all.  When we asked her about it, she basically described double-vision in kid terms.  So yeah, I was a panicky mess and freaking out.  Fortunately she didn’t have any other symptoms of head trauma or anything, so we waited til the next morning to take her to see the pediatrician.  Dr. Salad did a basic vision test (pain in the ass with a 4-year-old, let me tell you) and examined her, and basically said she might be starting down the path of strabismus or lazy eye, and sometimes it happens like that…when kids spontaneously start having vision issues and frighten their poor parents to death.  Both FF and I have some vision issues so it wouldn’t be too surprising for her to have genetic fallout in the headlight department.  We have already scheduled an exam with a pediatric ophthalmologist in January, so we’ll see.  She has been normal ever since that day, so who knows. 

So the poor kid missed her preschool Thanksgiving party because of the urgent doctor appointment.  Oh well, maybe next year.  The cornbread she carefully made for the party got redirected to Thanksgiving.  And Thanksgiving itself was a very nice day, with lovely warm weather, happy kids running around hitting each other with sticks and throwing cake in the empty pool, etc.  Aunt Carole and Uncle Vic always make a killer turkey so the food was great and it was overall a very mellow and relaxing afternoon.  Pumpkin cheesecake roll, yuuuuuummmmmm. 

And so then Gmom and Uncle Bubba came down to our house following Thanksgiving so that UB could be our slave-labor minion for a couple days.  We went to Lowe’s and picked out Christmas lights for the house, and then UB and FF got to try out our new ladder (thanks Aunt D!) to put ‘em all up.  It turned out pretty well but we still need a few more strands to finish off the tree.  Once that wee task was done, we started in on the much bigger and more annoying job: painting the long accent wall in the master bedroom, to cover up the obnoxious gang graffiti from when the house was empty and in foreclosure.  The wall is now a gorgeous shade of bright, dark purple, known as “Fresh Grape Juice”.  Uncle Bubba is a really good painter in general but it’s always hard work with dark colors that join a white wall seam.  We’ll have to do a little white touch up later to fix a couple booboos.  Big huge thank you to UB for his help – I am SO happy to finally get the bedroom done. 

So long, gang graffiti!

We actually have pictures on the wall now!!!

And just ‘cuz he’s a sweet little bro, he indulged me in also painting one of the walls in the downstairs bathroom since we had leftover paint, and it was a little boring in there.  It took way longer to tape off and edge that small wall than to actually paint the bulk of it.  But it too is now a beautiful “Fresh Grape Juice” and looks awesome.  Bro–you gave me the best Christmas present ever by getting all that done!  I owe you big time. 

Taping...taping....taping....

That edge needs some work, dude

Creative music management during painting

So…then last Saturday, we went to Sears and had portraits done of the evil genius.  We actually were going to do a family portrait but we were all busy painting until about 1am on Friday night, and I hadn’t yet unpacked the box with all my nice-ish clothes.  So we forfeited the full family portrait and just went for kiddo pictures.  I have been distinctly lax in this department (getting professional pictures taken that is) because when K was barely 1 year old, all the siblings took the cousins to Sears to sit for a “grandkids” picture as a surprise for Gmom.  It was so crazy that it scarred me and I couldn’t bring myself to take her back for pictures until now.  Yes, it took me three years to get over the insanity of one portrait session with eight kids, some of whom screamed constantly and kept trying to run away from the staging area.  (shudder)  Anyway, K’s picture session went quite well this time, except for the fact that K is terminally unable to smile on command.  She either looks like she is wincing in pain, trying to growl, or struggling through a severe case of constipation.  I have to give the kid credit; she really tries, but she just can’t seem to produce a genuine smile on command.  Oh well, (most of) the pictures are still beautiful.

This one goes in the hall of shame

Nestled amongst all that mayhem was K2′s birthday party (she is only 9 days younger than K so their parties always fall approximately a week apart.)  It was a very fun party, and our little evil genius spent a long time playing with K2′s very large blow-up shark, chasing all her cousins around pretending to eat them with the shark.  Hmmm, I wonder what that means.  

She has been sleeping pretty well lately, thankfully.  Eating comes in fits and spurts.  Sometimes she’ll go 3 or 4 days without eating much of anything, and then ravenously consume a large meal and then go back to not eating for a few more days.  Developmentally speaking, she is still really good friends with the word “NO” and continues to throw us new curve balls all the time.  I find myself at the end of the day occasionally falling into ridiculous, clichéd parenting traps, even.though.I.know.better.  Like bargaining and bribing to get stuff done.  Like threatening to put her in time- out for the next two years.  Le sigh.  Guess we can’t be super-moms all the time, right?  RIGHT?

I Major in Cute

K has been reminding me of her undisputed ability to be cute lately…

The other night, I was hanging out upstairs with FF chatting about nothing in particular, and K comes running up with a bottle of water:

K: mom! this is my beer water!

(both parental units laugh)

K: it is really good, I am going to drink this beer water!

(starting to get a little nervous that I’ve somehow programmed her to start on the path of alcoholism at age 3)

K: here, you should have some beer water, mom and dad!

FF: I know you are just playing kiddo, but beer is only for adults…

K: NO DAD, not BEER, it is BEARD water!

CM and FF: ummmmm ok…

K: yeah, you drink it and it makes your beard grow right here on your chin (gesturing) and then when you are done you can just wipe it off with your hand, see?

CM: oh great! (quietly relieved about the beer thing)

K: here, try some beard water and grow a nice fluffy beard!

CM: yum!

________________________________

On Sunday night, Aunt D gave K a Maisy book.  She was very thrilled with this, especially because it is one of those books with action flaps and tabs you can pull etc.  I have been home sick the last 2 days and for some reason, K has decided that reading me her Maisy book several times a day is just the thing to get me on the path to recovery.  It is sooo cute and sweet (even if I actually did sleep through it a couple times).

Anyway, this morning FF was getting ready to take her to school and I thought they had already left, when she comes bolting upstairs, into the bedroom and goes “MOM! I forgot to read Maisy to you before leaving so I came back!  I will read it to you now before I go to school!”

All together now….”AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!”

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