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Dear loved ones, friends, and rest of the Internet,

My professional captors have escalated.  They have exiled me from my prior holdings (a secure, pleasantly isolated office) in favor of General Population (AKA the cube farm).  They attempted to secure Good Behavior from me, by providing the incentive of “a new computer workstation“.  However, I should have known it was a sham designed to avoid prisoner misconduct.  “New computer workstation” turned out to be recycled / reconfigured beast of a machine with insufficient RAM to simultaneously run the operating system and the minimum 5 or 6 programs that I need open at all times,  in order to pay my debt to society.  One would think that high-intensity tech-user captives would be given the appropriate equipment to do their work, but alas – not to be.  But at least the monitor is big and shiny.

I am being subjected daily to two forms of sensory torture: blinding morning sunshine that causes a migraine-inducing glare on New Computer Workstation, no matter which way it is angled, and profoundly distracting noise pollution such that I am beginning to actually HEAR the thoughts forming inside other General Population captives.  I admit that I am overly sensitive to the noise aspect (late-life development of attention deficit disorder? side effect of motherhood?), and it isn’t a reflection of abnormal habits or actions on the part of the other captives. They, like me, have little control over their destiny in this place.

My only real consolation is that I brought my condom tree, neon flamingo lamp, and a few other outward touches of eccentricity to General Population holdings.  I may be an exiled captive, but I still have balls (metaphorically speaking).

If I should ever find a way to smuggle this prison diary out, PLEASE SEND HELP.

Sincerely,

Exiled worker