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Emerging From the Cave
Well hello, WordPress…seems you’ve kept yourself busy with sprucing up your features and interface lately. Cool, and just in time for me to do that long-promised blog overhaul. Maybe next week.
See, I have barely emerged from the cave-like existence of graduate school and it is taking some time for me to regain lost mental footing. These days, I struggle with remembering to eat breakfast let alone tackle mentally-intensive tasks like writing or website design.
Stating that I’m “relieved to be done” merely scratches the surface of where I’m at in my post-graduate cogitations, however I do find myself grappling a bit with the change in identity…can’t slap that “grad student” label around willy-nilly anymore. Which honestly feels a little strange. And maybe more than a smidge terrifying, when I think about student loan repayment schedules and whatnot (trying not to hyperventilate here).
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/123004/
But at the end of the day, it is a tremendous accomplishment and something that for a long time, I abstractly believed would never end. The forward momentum required to initiate this degree and stick out some of the tougher moments while simultaneously wading through full-time career work, the parental mysteries of toddlerhood and preschool, and periodic bouts of crippling insomnia and grief-related depression. Anyway, lest I begin to verge upon the sorry state of “wallowing”, the reality is that I am one of the lucky ones…I had a lot going for me such as work-related tuition reduction, a supportive immediate and extended family network, and fantabulous colleagues I could draw on for expertise and assistance. Nor did I have to write a thesis, take advanced statistics, or wade through any disgusting math classes. So all in all, a smashing success, even if I am mentally toasted and emotionally wiped out.
Anyway, all the naval-gazing aside, last weekend we had a little family get together (with the generous help of Gmom and UB–many thanks!) at our house to celebrate graduation and also K’s first dance recital (another delightful future post in the barrel…stay tuned!). It had the positive side-effect of motivating us to clean the house to a semi-reasonable state and tackle some long-ignored projects (packing away 18 months worth of outgrown little-genius clothing, anyone?). The day was so lovely, filled with laughter, fun and a zillion kids running around like electrocuted cats [that is--noisily bouncing off the walls]. The weather was even “relatively” reasonable, at a mere 95° with a wispy periodic breeze. I’m more grateful than words can express for all the support and love.
So onward and upward…in the short term hopefully to some side-contracted instructional design work, or possibly some adjunct teaching; in the longer term hopefully a position upgrade with my current employer or barring that, a reasonably painless and successful job search.
Or there is always….
Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire: Plastics.
So Much for Weekly Posts
Or alternately titled Not Gone, but Probably Forgotten.
Anyway, due to ongoing time constraints, this post is relegated to a pathetic “I’m still alive” three minute update, and a commitment in writing to get back on track blogwise in the coming weeks. Now, on to the good stuff.
- The powers that be at my graduate program have decided to LET ME OUT! I got notification last night (late last night, otherwise I probably would have gone out for celebratory bar-hopping…) that my applied project received a PASS, which right now to me feels exactly like a parole order from prison. I am not DONE with the semester yet; I still have two weeks of zombie-like sociology coursework to complete, but all the hard stuff is behind me.
- After some recent serious brain-frying cogitation, I decided for a variety of reasons not to walk in the graduation ceremony. I still feel vaguely guilty about this decision even though ultimately I’m the only one who might conceivably have any future regret about it. Honestly, I skipped my undergrad ceremony too and never thought about it twice, so this really isn’t a big deal. The accomplishment remains.
- …HOWEVER, the “now what?” interrogations are just starting. And the fact that I don’t really have any specific answers right now makes this more than a touch irritating; not towards the inquiring parties, but rather more inwardly-focused. I’ve been so utterly driven to finish over the last whatever semesters that the means haven’t begun to connect to the ends yet, in my mind. Oh shit.
- I should take this moment to thank Björn, ABBA, Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried and all their buddies for getting me through many a difficult homework night, most especially (repetitively) in recent weeks. Without the focusing force of Pierce Brosnan’s eye-twitchy singing performances, I might never have graduated.
- It’s official; I have joined the 30 club. I have a lot of thoughts about this, and have started writing a naval-gazing reflective post. I know you are excited, so stay tuned.
- A few days ago, I broke my cardinal rule about not trimming my daughter’s hair myself. I could not stand her shaggy-dog look anymore; had no time to make a trip to Supercuts; and she wouldn’t let me otherwise constrain it with clips, bands, bows, ties, clasps, barrettes, or hats. The results aren’t terrible, but they aren’t fashion-mag cover material either. I solemnly swear I will take my poor abused child to a proper salon to get further tidied up before her big upcoming dance recital.
- We have infected her entertainment life with Fern Gully. Anyone of a Certain Age remembers this movie with some amount of amusement and horror for its absurd stench of the 90s. Naturally, my daughter loves it, and spends a great deal of time now pretending to be, in fact, a forest fairy.
- Speaking of the little genius, guess what? She is going to be graduating too! And it makes me want to cry! Oh wait, I probably WILL cry on the big day. And we still have no firm answer on which school she’ll be attending in the fall yet. Sigh.
- And for a final thought, all she (desperately) wants from the Easter Bunny this year is a Live! Butterfly! Garden! Ummm, ok, bug-phobic child. And thank you, TV infomercials.
