Blog Archives
Night at the Improv
So the other night we found ourselves all in bed together, awake, at 4am. Long story – don’t ask.
Anyway, at times when K is trying to wind down, sometimes she asks me to sing a lullaby. I’m a truly terrible singer but she doesn’t seem to mind. But last night I was pretty wiped out mentally and so I asked her if she would like to try singing ME a lullaby instead. I hoped that the novelty would mask my cop-out.
So K started singing “Mary had a little lamb”. And very nicely, in her sweet little voice, too. For the first two traditional verses, I was basking in her musical talent and feeling very cozy and motherly, snuggling my little angel.
Then she got to the third, fourth, fifth and beyond verses. Oh you’re not familiar with that either? Let me recreate as accurately as possible:
Mary took her bonnet off, her bonnet off
and put her rain hat on, her rain hat on
because she likes the rain and it is cloudy.
She goes and puts her bug boots* on, her bug boots on,
because it’s going to rain.
And she likes the rain, with her little lamb, little lamb, little lamb.
wearing their raincoat, and hat and boots, and boots
they go to get an um-brella, an um-brella
to wait for the rain.
And the rain comes down, comes down, comes down
and drips on Mary with her rain hat on, and not her bonnet,
but then it stops raining.
Mary goes back inside, back inside, back inside
and takes her raincoat off
but it is still cloudy and keeps her boots on, her boots on, her boots on.
At this point, I was working hard not to laugh hysterically, which only fueled the fire and kept her going with more random words put together to the tune. It was pretty darn funny at 4am.
And then lastly, I heard FF under his breath: “Mary had a little lamb, and it was very delicious, the end.”
Apparently everyone, including Mary, has Bug Boots
Skittish
While taking K out of the bath last night to go get her ready for bed:
K: mommy, I’m a little skittish right now.
CM: oh really?
K: yes, skittish means when you are yucky and not feeling good and sometimes I am just skittish.
CM: that’s….interesting
K: so I think you need to get me some skittish medicine.
CM: I’ll see what I can do.
Parenting Odds and Ends
K slept in WAY too late today. In fact, in a rare show of persistence, she stayed asleep even after I crawled out of bed (quite the rarity). It gave the parental units a little time to watch some TV and generally lounge around in the daylight hours sans preschooler…weird!
When she woke up, she came into the living room wide-eyed and crazy-haired. We did our “good morning” routine complete with hugs, tickles, and snuggles and then K looks at me and says, “I was having a great dream Mom!”
CM: yeah? what kind of dream?
K: a dream about a big huge bird!
CM and FF: cool!
K: yeah, I was washing it and making it all clean!
CM: (strangled giggles)
K: what did YOU dream about mommy?
At that point, I dissolved into laughter for 2 reasons. #1: [true confession time] as a kid, a SMALL kid, at the family ranch one time, I was playing with a friend in the chicken coop. For some reason, we thought it would be a great (and humane) idea to give a chicken a bath. So after terrorizing them by chasing them around for about 20 minutes, we finally caught a hen and took it to the water bowl to “bathe” it. Unfortunately, the poor chicken little expired from the stress. Yes kids, that right, I started my sociopathic career at the tender age of 6 or 7, by bathing a chicken. I have unfortunately, never lost the reputation of chicken killer, and my dear family reminds me of this episode frequently.
Funny reason #2: right before K woke up, I had just mentioned to FF that I had been having some really weird dreams, mostly concerning Christopher Meloni, in the nude. I didn’t think it wise to try and explain that to K, so I claimed dream amnesia.
This afternoon, she was playing with the iPhone again, and torturing the poor little Hula people. In fact, a new feature in the game is that you can name the natives, and she had FF name three of them after us. I find that…disturbing. Anyway, after awhile, she came to me in the other room (doing homework as usual) and climbed into my lap. She decided to play the fishing game for awhile and proceeded to work on her casting skills. After awhile, she says excitedly “look Mom, I caught a burrito!”. That got my attention so I looked at the screen, to find that she had actually caught a bonito, but I didn’t have the heart to correct her. It was waaaay funnier to hear her running around talking about catching burritos.
Also at one point while cooking dinner, she was around the corner, playing with the iPhone still, and says “Mom, I’m making the hula people dance!”. And then quietly she starts chanting to the screen “shake your body, shake your body, shake your booooooody, YEAH!” I almost peed myself.
Lastly, while running around the house half naked, (still working on that potty-habit thing), she ran into the bathroom to pee. Now, generally she is pretty good at this pottying gig but occasionally if she is distracted or eager to get back to some activity, she’ll get the “steps” out of order. In this case, after she peed, she jumped down (without wiping, flushing, etc) and was about to run off and play. We talked about the proper steps for pottying and she gave me an exasperated sigh, said “ok I’ll get a wipe” and proceeded to reach around and clean her hind end. Seeing that she was totally missing the target area, I reminded her to wipe “the front part of her bottom too”.
Oh yeah baby, parenting rocks–don’t let anyone tell you different.
She spun in circles a few times, and then loudly says “BUT I CAN’T FIND IT!”.
Whereupon FF overhearing this exchange, cracks up hysterically. It’s so, so hard to keep a straight, patient face at times like these. Your amusement, annoyance, and absurdity meter all fight relentlessly.
Some days, this sounds very attractive:
Cuteness: It’s whats for dinner
Actually, Pizza Hut Lasagna. Not homemade but overall not that bad and it comes to YOUR door, hot, fresh, and fast! The cuteness part comes in because I guess I never heard K pronounce the word “lasagna” before.
She kept saying it like this: “Zaaaahnya”. Damn cute. Almost as cute as “inny-ails“.
(not that she ate, or even tried any of it. God forbid.)
Everybody’s House Sucks
In the mom-mobile with both girls, after school:
K: Mom, I want to go to K2′s house.
CM: Sorry honey, not today. We have to go to our house.
Both girls: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
K: It’s not fair!
CM: Sorry, maybe next week.
K: But I don’t like my house! It’s no fun!
K2: Idea!!
CM: yes honey, what’s your idea?
K2: How about if I come to K’s house to play! I want to come to your house!
CM: That is a great idea, but I don’t think it will work today. Maybe next week if you ask your parents.
K2: awwwwwwwww (sniffle)
K: I don’t like my house!
K2: Yeah, I don’t like my house either!
CM (mentally): how about if we just mail you both to a neutral third-party location?
