Blog Archives
Slacker Parents
So I’ve been intermittently working on a few post-drafts lately but the majority of my bloggy time allotment has gone toward slowly working on the site revamp. It’s sad but true that if I treated this venue more seriously and really put some effort into it, the overall web design would be much snappier. But as I treat this as something akin to self-therapy / entertainment, I’m afraid that if it becomes too much like work, it’ll kill my desire to even bother. This is, incidentally, one of the reasons why I never proof, and rarely edit/correct actual posts either. I really want to focus on that stream of consciousness for the most part, and let it exist in its natural state. This often results in less than perfect style and form. But hell, I’m good with that.
WELL, that was a really long explanation (excuse?) for my anemic writing efforts lately. I REALLY do have to get cracking on that kindergarten post, or before we know it, she’ll be off to college! Oh well. On to the good stuff!
So over the last few months, the little genius has naturally undergone a bit of a circadian rhythm shift…fortunately for us this has been fairly concordant with the onslaught of a very demanding school schedule. It has, however, altered our family weekend rhythm a bit, because she has been getting up earlier than her poor tired parents typically do. I needsssss my weekend R&R, people!
Fortunately, we gradually devised a natural solution to the issue by embracing our slacker parenting skillz, and empowering the little genius to self-serve her early morning needs while we continue peacefully snoozing. She was already good on getting herself dressed (check), and recently learned how to master the DVR system to load up her fave recordings if desired (check), often prefers to play with her downstairs toys in the morning anyway (check), and she loves to periodically graze rather than eat specifically scheduled meals (double-check!). So all that was really necessary to put these components together was to gently urge her to go free-range in the mornings and ensure that she could access appropriate (and at least semi-healthy) snacks and beverages. Voila!!!
So far, this has worked out pretty damn well, if I do say so myself. Often she will let us sleep an extra 60-90 minutes, and I have completely refused to allow even a smidge of guilt to disturb my conscience, because I have been hard selling myself on the idea that we are “encouraging a healthy level of independence”. Muahahahaha, who’s the evil genius NOW?!
However, we have run into a few small pitfalls that required adjustment. Such as the morning when she felt it appropriate to snack on about half a jar of peanut butter, spoonful by spoonful. Apparently generalizing portion size for most types of foods did not click in her brain when it came to jar and spoon. Go figure. And then one morning she was breakfasting on grapes, and felt compelled to come in our bedroom and give me a play-by-play on every grape (look Mom, a TEENY TINY one!)
So, all of that background to give context for today’s experience: K got up as normal and went off to do her thing. About an hour and a half later, she came in to talk to me just as I was getting up, and so I gave her a hug and asked her if she had already eaten anything for breakfast. She responded “oh yes Mom, I had a slice of cold pizza.”
It took a few seconds for my barely awake brain to let THAT sink in…my first thought being something like, “oh god, she’s already turning into a college student!”. All I could think to reply at that moment was a shocked, “you ate cold pizza for breakfast?”
To which she elaborated, “well, yes, I got the pizza slice out of the fridge and I ate MOST of it, but not the crust part. I went back to the fridge to put it back in the box but it was too hard to get in there so I decided to throw the crust away in the trash. Is that OK?”
If I hadn’t still been mentally asleep at that point, I might have laughed hysterically at her explanation, but as it was, I was still more dumbfounded than anything else.
Well, ultimately I guess this is proof that she really IS taking that independence thing to heart, because this is the kid who wouldn’t even skip wearing socks to bed without asking for ‘permission’ first! And lest anyone wonder, I solemnly swear we are not uptight control freaks….the kid has always been extraordinarily attuned to routines, norms, rules and very precisely observes such behavior systems. She has an incredibly analytical mind for such things and any deviation will prompt countless questions until her need to understand is satisfied.
But apparently, eating cold pizza for breakfast was just the thing to inspire her burgeoning independence!
I’m not sure if this should make me proud, or horrified. 
Roller Coaster (aka Brain Purge)
Well, FF and I both came down on Friday with some kind of ill voodoo, we don’t know exactly what but we both had runny noses, headaches, body aches and extreme fatigue. Overall we are both better today but still tired.
However, we did not get much done this weekend either in terms of organizing the house (us), going to Lowe’s to plot mass weed genocide (FF), or homework (me). Blah.
K has crested some new developmental stages, which is both good and bad. First the good, ’cuz focusing on the rest is enough to make me want to cry or run away screaming, take your pick. Anyway, the sleep strike seems to be over (for now). By virtue of a combination of her anxiety level reducing, or just her tendency to make sudden decisions for behavioral change, she started sleeping better about a week ago (thank god). We had also been talking to her for a couple weeks about a sticker chart, but I have learned from past experience that it would be peeing in the wind unless she had buy-in. So she finally decided that it sounded pretty cool, and she helped design a nice chart for the month of October on the computer and we dug out some star stickers from a box. Overall I think she decided to go with it because she wants to become a “sleeping rockstar”. Now that may sound pretty funny to the uninitiated, but I am not kidding when I say that I believe the phrase “potty rockstar” was pretty much the only motivating reason for her to spontaneously potty train many months ago. So never doubt the power of words. So far we are about 4 nights in to the chart, and she has slept 2/4 nights without waking and the other 2 nights she slept most of the night. Also fortunately, she has decided to be willing to go to sleep on her own (IE after the normal bedtime routine and a few minutes of handholding.) Hallelujah, we never thought we’d see the day…but of course I am naturally cautious with my optimism because we’ve had many promising improvements over the last three years only to come crashing back down based on her whims. We shall see. I try to only project confidence and excitement. Until my damn face cracks.
And for the bad…holy mother of god, I guess she decided to start on those unpleasantries of 4 a little early. She has been making bids for increased independence lately…so ok, no problem, we can work with that, but along with it has come an extreme increase in outright oppositional defiance, crankiness, and general perversity. If we say RED, she says BLUE. Her two favorite phrases the last couple weeks are “NO!” and “Fine, then I’m not going to talk to you ANYMORE!”. She is pushing the boundaries of rules, and the “time-out programme” is rapidly becoming useless.
Another just peachy development is a bit of an issue with pee accidents. Now, honestly, I attribute the start of this to her general stress and anxiety around losing Mynx and starting back to school and she was having a periodic accident here and there. No biggie, right? But it seems to lately be on occasion, a very purposeful oppositional attempt to make waves. In one case, she was on a time-out and then said she needed to go to the bathroom and we told her to go ahead, so she marched in there and then peed in her pants while standing in the bathroom. I am 95% certain it had nothing to do with her bladder control. WTF people? Where was this in the parenting manual?
And lastly (or at least the last of what I’ve not been able to black out of my mind yet) is a certain experimentation with behaviors like lying, sneaking, and manipulative negotiations. Oh where did my baby go, like overnight? She hid under FF’s desk today with a conveniently discovered bottle of fingernail polish, and fixed up her nails real ‘purty. She snuck into the laundry room and poured all the cat food onto the floor and mixed it up with water in an attempt to make a “cat restaurant”. She told me when I got home that she made a “BIG mess, on purpose!”. Umm, gee, thanks for the honest disclosure, honey.
I mean, are we total failures or is this just the normal curvature of the road? What gives? Oh well, we live to fight another day. There is no time so blessed in this house as the brief respite while she is peacefully asleep in her bed.
And so…the next topic….during our sick haze, we did in fact realize that we would have to make a pilgrimage out of the house this weekend, to buy milk (for the kid) and cat food (for the cat kid). We rallied and went on over to PetSmart, and guess what? Came home with cat food….and another cat!
Yeah, I know, people, feel free to make fun of me here, but while K was perusing all the animals, she wandered over to the in-store adoption clinic, with one of the local humane societies. They had like a big “cat hut” with about 8 or 10 different cats, all of them small kittens except 2. I had absolutely no pre-ordained intent to get another pet but what happened was this beautiful gray tabby looked at me and I had one of those kismet moments…I just knew we had to take her home. I glanced at her adoption card, only to find that they were trying to get rid of her as fast as possible because she was an “older cat” (AKA a whopping 18 months) and no one would look at her compared to all the cute fuzzball kittens. They had marked her adoption fee down with a red pen to around $30 like she was damaged goods or something. It made me righteously upset (sad), to see that such a sweet, socialized, healthy cat could be so overlooked and unwanted simply for being full grown. So I asked FF if he could possibly tolerate the idea of getting a companion for Cookie (who is absolutely neurotic and lonely whenever we leave are out). I went in to pet and hold the gray tabby, and she absolutely mauled me for affection. I know it’s my human psychology at work but I swear people, she was begging me to get her out of that cat jail where no one cared about her.
Her name is Juno and she is an incredibly sweet cat. She cannot seem to really believe that we love her and belong to her, she has a surprised look on her face everytime she comes up on the couch or bed and people actually PET her. She is very calm, not shy with K’s noise at all, and so sweet. She has thoroughly bonded with FF in a short 2 days and follows him around everywhere. She cries whenever he locks her out of the bathroom for a short few minutes.
Juno and Cookie are currently working out a relationship. The Cookie Monster is such an adrenaline junkie that she wants to PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! all the time, and Juno is still getting used to the family life. Yet we have not had any cat wars or serious fighting, just some strategic hissing and she has bopped Cookie on the nose a couple times when she was being excessively petulant. They are getting more friendly all the time, and have had no problems sharing the food and litter pan. So I believe and hope they will be great companions for each other once they work out the details of their relationship. In her only bid for territoriality, Cookie has decided to sleep with us at night, under the sheets, curled up by my feet. I’m not sure how she breathes packed in there but whatever floats her boat. A bonus is that K has not noticed her sleeping under the covers so we have avoided some of the “Clash of the Titan” episodes.
Thanks to my honey for being the most tolerant, patient, loving hubby ever to let me bring home Juno on a moment’s notice. So, here she is in her pictoral debut and yes, that is IT for pets for us, I swear. I sure do miss my Mynxie though.
Pretty Juno
Weekend Adventures
Well, we took off last Thursday night to head up north to the family ranch to help with Gmom’s massive ranch/yard sale event. Even though I swore I’d never participate in another yard sale again, see what a dutiful child I am? 
K had a ridiculously good time. First of all, she is always excited to see Gmom and Uncle Bubba. Further, she is extremely enamored of Uncle Vic and Auntie Carole, and so she was REALLY excited to see them. And just to up the ante a little more on the kid-happy meter, the weekend included a day of playing with her rowdy boy-cousins, lots of time in the dirt/grass/mud, and lots of room to roam around and play outside without getting skewered by thorns the size of pirate shivs (more on this later).
She proved to be quite entertaining to everyone, what with her happy ability to produce flatulence, throw out a saucy “DUDE” at appropriate moments, and other miscellaneous K-isms. We also had one of those awkward, rite-of-passage parenting episodes, in which she has begun asking about the names and functions of various boy and girl body parts. Yeah, she um, noticed the horse “hanging out” and had some choice inquiries. After assimilating all the information I could provide, we could see the wheels turning in her little head, so I am slightly cringing on the inside at the conversations she is SURE to engage in at preschool in the near future.
After one particularly thoughtful conversation, she looked at me with her head cocked, and said, “hmmm, Mom, maybe when I grow up, I can change into a boy and try that too”. I tried not to either choke or laugh, but gently go down that whole “we are either born one way or the other” concept. I couldn’t fathom trying to throw in the whole transgender angle at this juncture, oy vey. It really tests your parenting moxie when these things come up, which I guess is a little weird because honestly, it’s not a big deal. But it just feels WEIRD when your three year old pins you down for exact information on PENISES.
Anyway, the weekend was actually quite a bit of fun and it was great to catch up with a rotating cast of family members. A huge shout-out of thanks to Uncle Vic and Aunt Carole for feeding the troops so deliciously. Can I come see you guys every weekend? I mean, FF is a good cook but it’s nice to mix things up every once in a while…
And on to the last weekend topic of interest….rural life. The ranch is in a very small community of people who are just….very laid back. I think it’s awesome and I love to get out of the big-city bustle and listen to the horses, tractors, and cicadas. The people are truly the best though. Some funny and illustrative examples:
- An old guy who drove up to the sale, perused a while and then stopped to chat with my Mom, where he happened to mention personally knowing my GREAT grandfather way back when. That puts him, at my calculation, approximately 139 years of age. OK maybe that is a slight exaggeration but still..did you catch the part about him DRIVING up?
- A colorful character of an older lady who warned me to keep an eye out for rattlesnakes in the lawn behind me. Because you know, she and her husband ran over one the other day down the road, and it was ’bout 5 foot long and THIS big around (simulate cupped hands), and hitting it with the truck just made it madder and madder! And they were out of ammo so they couldn’t “take care of the sicheeyation”.
- A little old grandma-looking lady who struck up conversation while buying a pie dish. She mentioned something about an “Impossible pie recipe” (um?) and I politely responded that I’d never heard of it. To which she replies, “oh, well dearie, if you want to write down your address, or….maybe even your email address (she looked at me hesitantly with doubt on her face, as if I might not know what email was) and I could send you a copy of the recipe.” Well, I’ve never been randomly offered a recipe by a stranger before, no less a grandma who wasn’t really sure I’d know what she meant by the term “email”. Her sister overheard this conversation and said “oh, are you going to use that scanner thing to send it?”, to which the little old lady replies “gee, I didn’t think of that, I was just going to type it. I guess I could scan it but I need to look in my cookbook first and see how dirty the page is!” Cause you know, she wouldn’t want anyone seeing a copy of her ACTUAL messy recipe page.
- Old people buying 5-gallon buckets of nails. Now this amuses me because it really illustrates a certain mindset. Me, being all efficiency-oriented and purpose-driven, see an 85 year old man carrying away probably about 200,000 nails. Does he think he’s going to use them all up before he um, how do I put it politely, moves on to that workshop in the sky? But HE just doesn’t think like that. These people see a nice solid bucket of nails for a good price and think hey, I might just need those, so I will feel better having them hanging around the garage/shop/whatever. Using them isn’t the point. Nor is the point exactly just accumulating them. It is the ability to recognize the value for what it is, not what it could be, should be, will be. There is no cost-benefit, long-term, usefulness, probability-of-use, or further analysis. It is just a bucket of nails.
I think there is probably a metaphor in here somewhere, but along with my deep amusement, it was a bit of a breath of fresh air to hang with these extremely nice, community-oriented, small-town folks.
And thank god my white bread daughter survived the weekend without turning into a flaming husk of charred flesh.
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